Being In Relationship

by Daniel Chiam 

In the past, friends often persuade me to fall in love and get into a relationship with a girl. Not that I wanted to refuse but I often felt that the time wasn't right at all and there's just so many things that I needed to do for myself and I was not ready to get tied up in a relationship yet. I know from the start that falling in love is easy, but maintaining a relationship will need the faith and effort of moving a mountain to do so. Hence I took up the nickname 'Lonewolf' to remind myself about the decision that I've made and why. I've been living for myself ever since and tho it was a lonely journey but I was never alone.

Today, I took an unexpected turn and got myself into a relationship with a girl that meant a world to me. I never knew that I can love someone so much until we're together. Like I said earlier, falling in love is easy but maintaining it is where all the hard work will take place, and boy it sure was a lot of effort! Our relationship moved a lil' too fast from the beginning and tho my common sense wanted to slow things down, its just too hard to fight the passion of love when you're drunk on love yourself. A relationship that moved so fast can only mean one thing, that its a crash course to get to know one another and whether you like or dislike about one another's ways, you'll just either have to deal with it or get yourself chocked around your neck.

I admit that my experience in being in a romantic relationship with someone is just paper thin but I do know what I want in a relationship from the beginning. I often observed couples and took notes for my self reminder. By this stage, I already have everything figured out but again, knowing what you want is always easier than getting what you want.

Sometimes I wonder am I too demanding? Too possessive? Too Paranoid? Or was it that I was expecting too much from a person whom I believe are matured enough about being in a relationship than I am? Sometimes I get frustrated when my intention was being misunderstood or the actually issue that I'm trying to make a point was not being understand at all. I believe I'm trying to make the relationship better and I got carried away at some point. I admitted my mistakes and tho some argument was hard for me to agree, but I swallowed it down anyway. I just wanted this relationship to continue on. I tried to rush things into perfection and I nearly tore down a beautiful relationship that I have long for. I was selfish and I repented ever since.

Just as I thought things was about to get better between us, I took another punch in the face (not literally tho). I'm sorry that I'm unable to be the cool partner that's always okay with whatever their other half wanted to do with whoever they wish to do it. Most of the time it wasn't even about jealousy but even the God that I served is a jealous God (Exodus 20:5), then who am I to withheld myself entirely from jealousy? Then again, like I said before, most of the time it was not about jealousy. Most of the time its just about priority. Where do I stand in this relationship with you and why was I being treated as such if I was to be claimed as one of the important person in your life?

I always thought that what I wanted in a relationship is simple. All I wanted was someone who first love God, love her family second and then their spouse (which is me in this case). I've always believe that wealth will follow when you have a good relationship with God the provider, and a happy relationship with your family that will support you in many ways in life. At least that's the order of priorities that I've set for my relationship with her, and I do hope she'll be able to share the same order of priorities as me too. Whatever I do, and whatever decisions that I'm making, it has to prioritize these three in order: God, family and spouse. If its unable to please any of the three in order, then I'm ready to say NO in a heartbeat. When you have set principles for yourself, making any decisions in life will always be easier.

Coming back from a long hiatus and here I am ranting about me being in a relationship. I thought I have other more important things to do than updating my blog but I have forgotten how expressing myself here in my own space had help me a lot to untangled the mess in my life and how I often found the light at the end of the tunnel when I'm writing. I've read from somewhere before; marriage (or in my case, being in a relationship) is not the cure for loneliness, but being in a relationship is the cure for selfishness. Having coming this far now, I totally agree with the saying. If you put yourself first in a relationship, then you just wanted to have someone to be with but not someone whom you want to share a life with. Prioritize: God, family and spouse, and you'll know that you are breaking free from selfishness.

My Wedding Proposal in 201x

by Daniel Chiam

First of all, Happy New Year 2013 to everyone! Finally 2012 has come to an end, and a new chapter of life has already begun. I'm not sure about all of you, but I am very much excited for 2013 because I have foreseen a lot of interesting things has been installed for me in this brand new year.

1st of January 2013 was celebrated with full of love cause I was involved in helping a good friend of mine with his flash mob dancing wedding proposal. It was a joyous occasion and nonetheless was filled with a lot of anxiety and anticipation also. Some of our friends had never dance in public on a broad daylight before, and thus it was really a nerve wrecking experience for everyone.

The main element of the proposal is of course the element of surprise. Not only the flash mob dancing is a surprise but with my friend putting and effort to sing and dance, which is totally out of his comfort zone is really huge surprise already. There were a few hiccups along the way, but looking back, it was what made the whole proposal fun, funny and memorable.

Congratulation to Antonia and Yee Seng

Last year itself in 2012, two of my good friend had also proposed to their girlfriend and is now happily engaged. Somehow, I get to be involved in one of the friend's process of planning and getting ready for the whole proposal and with just these two involvement, it is safe for me to assume that it takes a lot of effort, time and money to come out with a great wedding proposal.

Previously in becoming Mr. Romantic, I wrote to remind myself that no matter in what stages of the relationship I am in, I shall not stop showering my dear one with lots of love. Today I just wanted to remind myself again that no matter which stages of the relationship that I am in, I will not allow my relationship to get boring and mundane!

My wedding proposal in the coming years shall be awesomely fun and romantic too! Haha, then again, I have to work hard to find a girlfriend first before I can go anywhere near that epic like a love song wedding proposal of mine. 

Anyway, I wish each and everyone of you all the best for 2013 and may all your wishes come true. Above all, I wish you hope, joy and love throughout the awesome 2013!

"Seize the day, Caper Diem"

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Dumb Down for Love

by Aemy Nadira 

"No Malaysian men wants to date or marry someone who's smarter than them."

- Anonymous, 2012

Wow, seriously? Is it really a case of beauty over brains when it comes to love? Oh no. Blame it on Hollywood and what it does to men and women nowadays. With stars like Brooklyn Decker and Scarlett Johansson becoming a huge sensation in the media for their attractiveness, women are led to believe in order to attract men, it won't do them any good to quote Shakespeare's. So these women got the idea to hide their intelligence and play with their hair and giggle like a schoolgirl instead.

I've asked a male friend whether he prefers a girlfriend who is smarter or one who is a bimbo. He said he wants more than just a pretty girlfriend. A bimbo would suffice for a short-term thing only. But for a long-term relationship, he'd want someone who's smarter than him in some aspects. I couldn't agree more. 

Sadly, women are easily influenced by movies where the dumb blonde cheerleader gets all attentions while the Math genius gets none at all. They fear that the more they accomplished, the more they may have to sacrifice. So better dumb than lonely, huh? Maybe it's a case of low self-esteem, or a case of not wanting to be an outcast of marriage story. Whatever it is, many women are willing to drop their standards and date someone who doesn't value intelligence. 

In a way, being too intelligent could be a buster though. I myself find it tough dealing with a friend who's smarter at everything. I have to shut her up by saying "that's what I meant" whenever she points out my mistakes. Correcting me is good but in a way, it's annoying when a simple thing becomes complicated. And she's still single.

Still, playing dumb is not the key for a relationship. There's no chance of you playing the dumb game for a long time. Yeah there are guys who need hot chic to just stand by them, which serves no purpose. Trust me, there are also guys that are really looking for a life partner, not a Barbie doll. 

At the end of the day, it's all about being yourself. You deserve someone who appreciates your intelligence and loves you for who you really are. Honesty and sincerity go a long way. :)

Photo source: 1, 2

Checkout Aemy at emynadira.com for more of her updates!



"Seize the day, Caper Diem"

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Happy Valentine's Day 2012

by Daniel Chiam

Oh hey wonderful and lovely people. Happy Valentine's day =)

If you managed to pull off a few moves on Desperation Day, I bet you'll be out on a date with someone today. haha. Anyway, date or no date, there's no reason for us not to seize the day and make the best out of it.

Through out the years, I've written a few post related to relationships. Either its for between lovers, co-worker, friendship or family members, I really hope it helps to make a difference in your life. I'm not a love guru nor am I an expert, but I'm merely just like to observe and learn from the resources around me. I find human's social interaction and behavior really interesting.  

Well, here's among my favorite in room8five under the relationship tag:

# Relationship is like a Bank Account

# Love at First Sight

# Becoming Mr. Romantic

# Friends First and Not Target

What's yours by the way? =)

"Seize the day, Caper Diem"

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February 13: Desperation Day

by Daniel Chiam

Barney Stinson the Guru of Awesomeness

I've come to know 'Desperation Day' from Barney Stinson in HIMYM. It's logic, make sense and that's why I'm sharing it here in room8five today :D

February 14 is Valentine's Day, where all the couples are out there having romantic dinner and intimate time with each other. As for some of the singles ladies (and men), they felt the need of going out for a date on Valentine's Day also.

They have the sense that it is not normal to go through Valentine's Day alone and without a date. So, when Vday is approaching and there is none yet to be going out on a date with them, they starts to become desperate for one, and will be willing to settle with whoever that asked them out for a date. 

Thus February 13 is known as Desperation Day (for the singles)!

I know it may sound silly for some, but you can't ignore the fact that there will be people who is desperate for a date on Vday. So if you still have some of the oranges from Chap Goh Mei, why not try to give the person a call and see if they wanted to go out for a date on Valentine's Day with you or not, haha (provided if you are looking for a date also), if they are desperate, chances are they will say "yes".

PS: Try at your own risk. No success rate is guaranteed as this is something I learned from a tv series xD

"Seize the day, Caper Diem"

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Communications before Feelings

by Daniel Chiam

In my first part of the series - Friends First and Not Target, we end the subject with go and make friends first. Now guys, it is important for you to understand that our goal here (or at least my goal) is for a long term relationship. The one that can end in marriage, kids, grandchildren and till death do us apart.

The thing about wanting to have a good long term relationship, is that you must willing to invest in time, effort and patience. Good relationship doesn't happened overnight. You must build it up from ground zero.

Communications is the main material to build a good and strong foundation. At the friend stage, you are being given a comfort zone to initiate conversation whenever you want. Good evening, how was your day so far? Hey remember about the event that I told you about last time? Yada yada yada... you get the point.

Get comfortable as friend and get to know as much as possible about each other. Don't jump into conclusion too quick and start assuming things. Assumption always make things worse. Remember, building good relationship takes a lot of time. Learn to give chances to discover about each other; basically do some activities together.

Now the most common mistakes at the early stage of this level is when the feeling starts to intervene, and we start to entertain that feeling. We have the urge or a sudden confident that we are ready to take it to the next level. We starts to ignore the fact of how little we know about each other, how comfortable we are around each other and the compatibility of our purpose in life. That feeling is called - infatuation.

It happened sometimes and it's important that you understand what that feeling were, instead of beating down yourself so hard when you are being rejected. Not everyone will fail, but whats the percentage of success when you try to rush things?

All I'm trying to say is, don't rush. Take your time and build that bridges among friends. Communicate with them and see if you can get along in every situation. As friend you get to learn how to deal with each other, witness the good and the bad about each other and most importantly it helps you to discover is she's the right one for you. Once you get to know your circle of friends, then only you start highlighting your potential target.

If you have a problem talking to a girl, then I suggest you learn how - NOW.

Part I: Friends First and Not Target

"Seize the day, Caper Diem"

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Friends First and Not Target

by Daniel Chiam

Veni, Vidi, Vici - I came, I saw, I conquered. That my friend, is the typical men's way of getting a girlfriend. I do not like to generalize, so I'll say it applied to most of the men out there. Men are goal oriented. They see what they want, and do everything in their power to try and get what they want.

The problem always occurred after men gets what they wanted. She is now my girlfriend and what comes after that? Communications break down, getting distance with each other, that feeling that was once there is no longer there, yada yada yada... Men move on with a new goal in life :D

I might be wrong and I most probably be right for the most part. Your thoughts is very much appreciated.

It's not about right or wrong but it's just not what I preferred. I've learned from experience and from my environment, relationship just doesn't function that way. So right now, this is what I much preferred to do.

First, make friends. Do not approach or talk to a girl with the thought of 'she is going to be my girlfriend' or 'this is my target' in mind. Your initial thought should be 'I wish to be friend with her'. Remember this guys, your wife IS your best friend. If you both can't start right as a friend, don't think too far about starting an intimate relationship with her.

Since we are trying to make friends, don't limit yourself with only one friend. Get to know more people and be friends with them. There is nothing to lose here, its all a win-win situation, rather than you pick a target, failed and get rejected or you pick a target, success and still failed at the end. The odds for broken heart is rather higher.

I always believe that to start a relationship right, is to start a genuine friendship first. Not be friend because I-want-to-court-you kind of friendship, but a genuine friend friendship. 

Okay, its going to be a long post. So I'm going to break it down in parts and post the other one on Monday, haha. Have a great weekend people! Go and make more friends!

Part II: Communications before Feelings

"Seize the day, Caper Diem"

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Relationship is like a Bank Account

by Daniel Chiam

I still remember what Dr. Guy Peh talks about relationship - you need to treat it like a bank account! I hope you all know how does a bank account works, because it's how relationship works also.

Before you can open a bank account, you first need to deposit a minimal amount of money into it first. Then only you will be able to have a bank account that you can deposit more money into it, and start withdrawing money from it also. You can put in as much money as you want, but your maximum withdrawal is only as much as what you have in your bank account. 

Same theory applied in relationship. Before you wanted to start a relationship with anyone, you must first put in a minimum deposit into that someone's life. Help them with their studies/works, phone calls, birthday wishes, gift and et cetera. The main reason for the deposit is for you to be apart of that someone's life.

Once your deposit is being accepted, then only the relationship will start to work both ways. You can't expect to make a withdrawal without first putting some money in your bank account right? Now I'm not just referring to a boy and girl relationship, but this is something that is practical for all sorts of relationship.

Among colleagues, friends, parents and children, future boyfriend or girlfriend, master and pet and et cetera. So if you always wonder why isn't your bank account work properly, perhaps you should first start to invest some money into it today!

"Seize the day, Caper Diem"

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The Most Limited Offer from Groupon

My friend showed me this special deal today in Groupon Malaysia, and this guy - Loke Hing Seong is really a genius! Who have ever thought about proposing through a coupon site?! Mei Chen, please just say 'Yes' to the guy.

I posted about Becoming Mr. Romantic back in early June, and ever since then I already decided that my proposal to my future wife-to-be will not just be an ordinary proposal - in a fine dinning restaurant, take out the ring from the pocket, on one bended knee and pop the magical question, will you marry me?

I really think I can do better than that, then again, don't keep the hopes too high. It's ain't cheap to get married these days. Especially in KL (depends on who is my wife-to-be). Well, if my guy boss is still here, I bet he will said "don't dream about getting married first, you better get yourself a girlfriend first".

Haha, I'm just happy seeing guys that's actually put in effort in their relationship. It really shows how much the girl means to them.

To all my male visitor who is currently in a relationship and planned to get married in the near future, my question to you is - What's your plan?

Yours only:

Daniel Chiam from room8five

Understanding Your Infatuation

by Daniel Chiam

I know I have a guideline for almost everything in life. Including relationship. The reason why I was struggling through that period of time where I have an infatuation for a girl, is just simply because I know its not the right thing to do, as it was already way off course from the guideline that I have set.

Sometimes, the feeling of infatuation can be misunderstand as 'love' when it is actually only a temporary desire which is being triggered by the circumstances that's affecting you. Maybe you were lonely, you just got out of a bad relationship, or because it's just a peer pressure. 

If you could only understand where that feeling comes from, then you'll be able to determine whether you are actually in love or it's just merely an infatuation. I don't wish to get into a wrong relationship, which in the end just could not work out for the both of us.

Some of you might say, I shouldn't be afraid and just take the risk, some risk are worth taken, you never try you'll never know... Well, I have seen and heard a lot about the successful and the failure of one relationship among my circles of friends and their circles of friends. 

I know that everyone is different but some principals are still remain the same no matter who you are. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for a perfect girl for a perfect relationship, because I am not perfect also. I just wanted to find the one that I can start off in a right way and hopefully end up like every fairy tale stories - they live happily ever after.

"Seize the day, Caper Diem"

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The Instrumental Feeling

by Daniel Chiam

A note, a key, a sound of instrument.

A breath, a sigh, a sound of life.

A music, a song, is what I long.

It's here today and tomorrow its gone.

I've been listening to a musical by a friend of mine, and it is just simply amazing and soothing to my ears. I love it a lot. In fact I love it so much that I decided to write about it here. You can download the musical here:

:: www.kastum.com ::

The song is originally by Jimmy Palikat from Sabah. The song 'Anak Kampung' is a story about a village boy who felt in love with a beautiful girl. As much as he love her but he just can't do anything about it.

He said "its not that I don't like you but I don't want you to live miserably with me. It's because I love you, I'm letting you go to someone else".

At time I do think that its easier to let go than to fight for a feeling which is uncertain in the long run. Unless you are very sure about it, then don't risk it.

Waiting patiently for the next wave to come. Waiting for it to carry me away.

Love at First Sight

by Daniel Chiam

I was once a believer, had my moment and now I pretty much moved on. I'm sure there is people out there with a success story about falling in love at first sight, got married, have kids and still live happily together. I wish I was one of those people, but not today.

My brother said, love at first sight is pretty much one sided. We are the one with the strong feeling, and the one we fall in love with is pretty much questions mark. Well, falling in love is the easy part, whatever comes after that, is petty much the up hill climb or down hill fall. 

If no action was taken, it would remain as a mere temporary affection for someone. Questions that has no answers. Feeling that has no response. If you choose to love someone secretly, I would tell you that it is not fun at all. It will cause more heartache rather than happy moment. A path that I strongly wouldn't suggest anyone to choose. *Sigh*

Well, if you really think that person is the one, and you can see a future together, then the best way to go is to pursue your happiness. Get to know them, make friend, be a close friend, get together as a couple, propose, get married and write a post about how the person you married is your love at first sight, haha.

I don't know how to write the second part positively. How to tell people that it is something worth to be cherish, that your infatuation for someone is worth taking the risk and just go for it. I don't have the conviction to say so. My story is pretty much going down hill, where reality hits hard and I have to live with it.

Anyway, that's another different story to tell.

Love at first sight, to me, it can happened to everyone but it would not always turned out right for all of us. It's not a feeling to be avoid, but rather it's a feeling that should be embrace and to just experience it to the fullest. Whatever the outcome of your love story, it is still a life experience that's worth the moment of your time on earth.

"Seize the day, Caper Diem"

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Becoming Mr. Romantic

by Daniel Chiam

A picture of this guy managed to won RM50 from The Star newspaper. I was there too and I even helped him to sign the appeal notes. I can't be the voice of many but some girls do find this a romantic thing to do. Go up to the front line and risk everything just for the love of his life.

If you happened to watch all the romantic wedding proposal on Youtube, you will know that being romantic, is about taking a whole bunch of effort into making things happened. Idea, planning, execution, improvisation and yes of course your sincerity and a whole lots of your love.

Romanticism is not dead yet. It's just that men are getting more lazy each day. We always opt for the easiest way to make the girls happy. We buy them things, expensive things. When they are happy with the things they get, they don't really care whether we guys are romantic or not, haha (girls, correct me if I'm dead wrong. At least that's how some of the guys think).

You know, staying up until 4 in the morning just to figure out how to tie a few chocolate together to look like a bouquet of flowers is not easy. Especially when you are creatively challenged and you don't have all the materials in order to make it happened. Even if it didn't turn out like you wanted it to be, but its still the efforts that's matter.

If you want to be romantic and sweet toward your love one, its all about the effort, effort, effort and more effort. A long lasting relationship don't come easy without any effort to keep the sparks alive. 

I just wanted to write this in order to remind myself in the future when I am getting too comfortable in a relationship and was too lazy to do anything special and sweet for the one I love.... Okay, long way to go but its never too late to keep a reminder, haha.

"Seize the day, Caper Diem"

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Are You Ready For Marriage?

by Daniel Chiam

A few friends and I bump into a teacher who used to teach us back in high school. So we spend a few minutes of our time to catch up with him and guess what... all three of us get more than what we ask for, haha.

He took the opportunity to give each of us advise about getting married, life and money. It was a very fruitful conversation and tho I disagree with some of his opinions but its still make sense and understandable.

Cikgu noticed that a lot of his former student is getting married at a very young age, and most of them didn't end up well in their marriage. So he was telling us to take our time, to experience life and at the same time to build our own life first before even thinking about getting married.

Finding the right one is important. A pretty face alone wouldn't help much in a relationship. Yes you can brag about it but all of us will eventually gets old, and by then you will have nothing to brag about when the only thing you choose them for had already fade away.

We need to be smart in choosing the right partner. Your significant other could either pull you up or drag you down. Remember, if you have a filthy rich parents, you have all the rights to choose whoever you want, haha. Being in a relationship will not be all lovey dovey all the time. Love will conquer all, but if you have no money in life, you will not be able to support a relationship, and what more - a family.

In a relationship, it can't be only one person who do all the sacrificing and while the other only enjoy the ride. In order to make things work, both have to contribute. Seriously I really think that's how relationship should be working.

Money can't buy happiness but it could contribute to happiness in a relationship.

Cikgu just wanted to make sure that all of us is capable of standing on own feet first before deciding on taking on someone else in our arms. Carrying another person will not be easy if you have a shaky legs. Worse to come, you'll drop that person that you are carrying, or both of you will fall to the ground together. Eventually one or both will get hurt.

So at the moment all of you youngster, make sure you build a strong foundation of your life first before deciding on getting into a relationship. If you are not capable, then make friends first. When the time comes, you will know that you are ready for marriage and for a family.

So what about you? What made you decide to get married? Is there anything that you would do differently if you could turn back the time? Its not about regret, its about helping other to see it through. =)

"Seize the day, Caper Diem"

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