Communications before Feelings

by Daniel Chiam

In my first part of the series - Friends First and Not Target, we end the subject with go and make friends first. Now guys, it is important for you to understand that our goal here (or at least my goal) is for a long term relationship. The one that can end in marriage, kids, grandchildren and till death do us apart.

The thing about wanting to have a good long term relationship, is that you must willing to invest in time, effort and patience. Good relationship doesn't happened overnight. You must build it up from ground zero.

Communications is the main material to build a good and strong foundation. At the friend stage, you are being given a comfort zone to initiate conversation whenever you want. Good evening, how was your day so far? Hey remember about the event that I told you about last time? Yada yada yada... you get the point.

Get comfortable as friend and get to know as much as possible about each other. Don't jump into conclusion too quick and start assuming things. Assumption always make things worse. Remember, building good relationship takes a lot of time. Learn to give chances to discover about each other; basically do some activities together.

Now the most common mistakes at the early stage of this level is when the feeling starts to intervene, and we start to entertain that feeling. We have the urge or a sudden confident that we are ready to take it to the next level. We starts to ignore the fact of how little we know about each other, how comfortable we are around each other and the compatibility of our purpose in life. That feeling is called - infatuation.

It happened sometimes and it's important that you understand what that feeling were, instead of beating down yourself so hard when you are being rejected. Not everyone will fail, but whats the percentage of success when you try to rush things?

All I'm trying to say is, don't rush. Take your time and build that bridges among friends. Communicate with them and see if you can get along in every situation. As friend you get to learn how to deal with each other, witness the good and the bad about each other and most importantly it helps you to discover is she's the right one for you. Once you get to know your circle of friends, then only you start highlighting your potential target.

If you have a problem talking to a girl, then I suggest you learn how - NOW.

Part I: Friends First and Not Target

"Seize the day, Caper Diem"

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Masako Mizutani | Girls Idol

by Daniel Chiam 

Ain't she adorable? Awww just when I thought it's just another kawaii Japanese teen model, I was dead wrong to assume so! I never heard of the name until I read the news. Yes people, this kawaii girl was born in 1968! 

She is 43 this year, a mother of 2 kids and her eldest daughter is 20 years old this year! Hot mama! 

If you think plastic surgery and botox has anything to contribute to that pretty face, then you are dead wrong too! Its all au naturel people! Ladies should really learn from her you know, rather than opt for plastic surgery and botox.  

To be honest, a wife with a pretty face at that age is just a bonus for a guy. It's not a compulsory thing. I much prefer my wife to have a healthy body, so that we both can go on a lil' bit longer in life together.

Undeniably she's really pretty ^^ Kawaii desu ne!

"Seize the day, Caper Diem"

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Friends First and Not Target

by Daniel Chiam

Veni, Vidi, Vici - I came, I saw, I conquered. That my friend, is the typical men's way of getting a girlfriend. I do not like to generalize, so I'll say it applied to most of the men out there. Men are goal oriented. They see what they want, and do everything in their power to try and get what they want.

The problem always occurred after men gets what they wanted. She is now my girlfriend and what comes after that? Communications break down, getting distance with each other, that feeling that was once there is no longer there, yada yada yada... Men move on with a new goal in life :D

I might be wrong and I most probably be right for the most part. Your thoughts is very much appreciated.

It's not about right or wrong but it's just not what I preferred. I've learned from experience and from my environment, relationship just doesn't function that way. So right now, this is what I much preferred to do.

First, make friends. Do not approach or talk to a girl with the thought of 'she is going to be my girlfriend' or 'this is my target' in mind. Your initial thought should be 'I wish to be friend with her'. Remember this guys, your wife IS your best friend. If you both can't start right as a friend, don't think too far about starting an intimate relationship with her.

Since we are trying to make friends, don't limit yourself with only one friend. Get to know more people and be friends with them. There is nothing to lose here, its all a win-win situation, rather than you pick a target, failed and get rejected or you pick a target, success and still failed at the end. The odds for broken heart is rather higher.

I always believe that to start a relationship right, is to start a genuine friendship first. Not be friend because I-want-to-court-you kind of friendship, but a genuine friend friendship. 

Okay, its going to be a long post. So I'm going to break it down in parts and post the other one on Monday, haha. Have a great weekend people! Go and make more friends!

Part II: Communications before Feelings

"Seize the day, Caper Diem"

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Relationship is like a Bank Account

by Daniel Chiam

I still remember what Dr. Guy Peh talks about relationship - you need to treat it like a bank account! I hope you all know how does a bank account works, because it's how relationship works also.

Before you can open a bank account, you first need to deposit a minimal amount of money into it first. Then only you will be able to have a bank account that you can deposit more money into it, and start withdrawing money from it also. You can put in as much money as you want, but your maximum withdrawal is only as much as what you have in your bank account. 

Same theory applied in relationship. Before you wanted to start a relationship with anyone, you must first put in a minimum deposit into that someone's life. Help them with their studies/works, phone calls, birthday wishes, gift and et cetera. The main reason for the deposit is for you to be apart of that someone's life.

Once your deposit is being accepted, then only the relationship will start to work both ways. You can't expect to make a withdrawal without first putting some money in your bank account right? Now I'm not just referring to a boy and girl relationship, but this is something that is practical for all sorts of relationship.

Among colleagues, friends, parents and children, future boyfriend or girlfriend, master and pet and et cetera. So if you always wonder why isn't your bank account work properly, perhaps you should first start to invest some money into it today!

"Seize the day, Caper Diem"

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Meeples - European Board Game Cafe @ SS15, Subang Jaya

I know I seldom travel, and I don't have a lot of places to introduce or to recommend in room8five, but this one, I just have to let you all know about it!

Meeples is the name of the shop. Different kind of fun is what they offer. Forget about the old snakes and ladders, monopoly and chess! They have hundreds (maybe even thousands) of board games for you to try out and to fall in love!

You will get to actually interact among players, tickle your brains a lil' bit and some games are just there for plain old fun and lots of laughter. There was never once I visited the place and it was as quiet as the library. People are just there to have pure funnest!  

My verdict - Meeples is absolutely the best place to be if you are looking for a real good time with family and friends. Spend that quality time with them over a game, and see them talk and laugh. It's truly is a best place for bonding in today's city life. 

The Settlers of Catan - My utmost favorite game!

Address:

64-1, Jalan SS15/4D, 

47500 Subang Jaya, 

Selangor, Malaysia

Email: info@meeples.com.my

Phone: 03 - 5633 8033

Facebook Page

Yours only:

Daniel Chiam from room8five