by Daniel Chiam
In the past, friends often persuade me to fall in love and get into a relationship with a girl. Not that I wanted to refuse but I often felt that the time wasn't right at all and there's just so many things that I needed to do for myself and I was not ready to get tied up in a relationship yet. I know from the start that falling in love is easy, but maintaining a relationship will need the faith and effort of moving a mountain to do so. Hence I took up the nickname 'Lonewolf' to remind myself about the decision that I've made and why. I've been living for myself ever since and tho it was a lonely journey but I was never alone.
Today, I took an unexpected turn and got myself into a relationship with a girl that meant a world to me. I never knew that I can love someone so much until we're together. Like I said earlier, falling in love is easy but maintaining it is where all the hard work will take place, and boy it sure was a lot of effort! Our relationship moved a lil' too fast from the beginning and tho my common sense wanted to slow things down, its just too hard to fight the passion of love when you're drunk on love yourself. A relationship that moved so fast can only mean one thing, that its a crash course to get to know one another and whether you like or dislike about one another's ways, you'll just either have to deal with it or get yourself chocked around your neck.
I admit that my experience in being in a romantic relationship with someone is just paper thin but I do know what I want in a relationship from the beginning. I often observed couples and took notes for my self reminder. By this stage, I already have everything figured out but again, knowing what you want is always easier than getting what you want.
Sometimes I wonder am I too demanding? Too possessive? Too Paranoid? Or was it that I was expecting too much from a person whom I believe are matured enough about being in a relationship than I am? Sometimes I get frustrated when my intention was being misunderstood or the actually issue that I'm trying to make a point was not being understand at all. I believe I'm trying to make the relationship better and I got carried away at some point. I admitted my mistakes and tho some argument was hard for me to agree, but I swallowed it down anyway. I just wanted this relationship to continue on. I tried to rush things into perfection and I nearly tore down a beautiful relationship that I have long for. I was selfish and I repented ever since.
Just as I thought things was about to get better between us, I took another punch in the face (not literally tho). I'm sorry that I'm unable to be the cool partner that's always okay with whatever their other half wanted to do with whoever they wish to do it. Most of the time it wasn't even about jealousy but even the God that I served is a jealous God (Exodus 20:5), then who am I to withheld myself entirely from jealousy? Then again, like I said before, most of the time it was not about jealousy. Most of the time its just about priority. Where do I stand in this relationship with you and why was I being treated as such if I was to be claimed as one of the important person in your life?
I always thought that what I wanted in a relationship is simple. All I wanted was someone who first love God, love her family second and then their spouse (which is me in this case). I've always believe that wealth will follow when you have a good relationship with God the provider, and a happy relationship with your family that will support you in many ways in life. At least that's the order of priorities that I've set for my relationship with her, and I do hope she'll be able to share the same order of priorities as me too. Whatever I do, and whatever decisions that I'm making, it has to prioritize these three in order: God, family and spouse. If its unable to please any of the three in order, then I'm ready to say NO in a heartbeat. When you have set principles for yourself, making any decisions in life will always be easier.
Coming back from a long hiatus and here I am ranting about me being in a relationship. I thought I have other more important things to do than updating my blog but I have forgotten how expressing myself here in my own space had help me a lot to untangled the mess in my life and how I often found the light at the end of the tunnel when I'm writing. I've read from somewhere before; marriage (or in my case, being in a relationship) is not the cure for loneliness, but being in a relationship is the cure for selfishness. Having coming this far now, I totally agree with the saying. If you put yourself first in a relationship, then you just wanted to have someone to be with but not someone whom you want to share a life with. Prioritize: God, family and spouse, and you'll know that you are breaking free from selfishness.
Today, I took an unexpected turn and got myself into a relationship with a girl that meant a world to me. I never knew that I can love someone so much until we're together. Like I said earlier, falling in love is easy but maintaining it is where all the hard work will take place, and boy it sure was a lot of effort! Our relationship moved a lil' too fast from the beginning and tho my common sense wanted to slow things down, its just too hard to fight the passion of love when you're drunk on love yourself. A relationship that moved so fast can only mean one thing, that its a crash course to get to know one another and whether you like or dislike about one another's ways, you'll just either have to deal with it or get yourself chocked around your neck.
I admit that my experience in being in a romantic relationship with someone is just paper thin but I do know what I want in a relationship from the beginning. I often observed couples and took notes for my self reminder. By this stage, I already have everything figured out but again, knowing what you want is always easier than getting what you want.
Sometimes I wonder am I too demanding? Too possessive? Too Paranoid? Or was it that I was expecting too much from a person whom I believe are matured enough about being in a relationship than I am? Sometimes I get frustrated when my intention was being misunderstood or the actually issue that I'm trying to make a point was not being understand at all. I believe I'm trying to make the relationship better and I got carried away at some point. I admitted my mistakes and tho some argument was hard for me to agree, but I swallowed it down anyway. I just wanted this relationship to continue on. I tried to rush things into perfection and I nearly tore down a beautiful relationship that I have long for. I was selfish and I repented ever since.
Just as I thought things was about to get better between us, I took another punch in the face (not literally tho). I'm sorry that I'm unable to be the cool partner that's always okay with whatever their other half wanted to do with whoever they wish to do it. Most of the time it wasn't even about jealousy but even the God that I served is a jealous God (Exodus 20:5), then who am I to withheld myself entirely from jealousy? Then again, like I said before, most of the time it was not about jealousy. Most of the time its just about priority. Where do I stand in this relationship with you and why was I being treated as such if I was to be claimed as one of the important person in your life?
I always thought that what I wanted in a relationship is simple. All I wanted was someone who first love God, love her family second and then their spouse (which is me in this case). I've always believe that wealth will follow when you have a good relationship with God the provider, and a happy relationship with your family that will support you in many ways in life. At least that's the order of priorities that I've set for my relationship with her, and I do hope she'll be able to share the same order of priorities as me too. Whatever I do, and whatever decisions that I'm making, it has to prioritize these three in order: God, family and spouse. If its unable to please any of the three in order, then I'm ready to say NO in a heartbeat. When you have set principles for yourself, making any decisions in life will always be easier.
Coming back from a long hiatus and here I am ranting about me being in a relationship. I thought I have other more important things to do than updating my blog but I have forgotten how expressing myself here in my own space had help me a lot to untangled the mess in my life and how I often found the light at the end of the tunnel when I'm writing. I've read from somewhere before; marriage (or in my case, being in a relationship) is not the cure for loneliness, but being in a relationship is the cure for selfishness. Having coming this far now, I totally agree with the saying. If you put yourself first in a relationship, then you just wanted to have someone to be with but not someone whom you want to share a life with. Prioritize: God, family and spouse, and you'll know that you are breaking free from selfishness.
